“MISTER BACON DIES”
Earlier, my very good friend Scott emailed me to ask: “what time is it? BACON TIME OF COURSE!”
Meanwhile, at almost the same minute, my spooky opinion twin Rodafowa queried my bacon obsession. I replied to him:
I’m not as obsessed with bacon as my blog suggests. I quite like eating it but I’ve never felt the need to weave it. My audience, however, is obsessed – my bacon posts get the most comments, and bacon related topics get emailed to me now. I have no idea what that’s all about, but I’m not knocking the hits!
and he came back with:
That’s awesome. And as the years go by it’ll inevitably snowball, each link you’re sent leading to a bacon-related post that convinces more people that bacon is the primary driving force in your life and inevitably causing even more links to be sent to you. Soon each time you look in your inbox there’ll be a dozen new items related to every possible aspect and permutation of sliced schweinfleish until you’re so heartily soul-sick of the stuff you never want to so much as lay eyes on a Frazzle again. But by this point it’s taken on a life of its own. People have been relating amused anecdotes to friends about the Internet’s Bacon-Lover, and despite your pleading you’re now subjected to a relentless bombardment of bacon-related stories from every corner of the world. Because you’re the Bacon Man now. You can’t turn on the TV for fear of catching a Walls advert or soap-opera fry-up that’ll leave you howling at the screen and tearing at your hair. You can’t go work because every potential employer is scared off by the growing madness in your eyes and the stories of your life-consuming bacon obsession. You definitely can’t go near the Internet.
Eventually, it all becomes too much, your mind snaps under the strain and you’re eventually shot by counter-terrorist police trying to blow up Denmark. The headline the next morning reads “MISTER BACON DIES”.
So, there you go, my epitaph is all wrapped up already. Which is convenient I suppose.
Better to be known as Mister Bacon than not to be known at all!… wait, that’s really not true. Better to be known as Man Who Cured Cancer, I suppose, but that option’s not available to everyone. You could always legally change your name, I suppose. Is that covered by Trading Standards?
http://bacolicio.us/http://www.fscked.co.uk
Not identical opinion-twins, though. Seinfeld’s still rubbish.
@Anna
In my taste test, 100% of Toby’s agreed that http://bacolicio.us/http://www.fscked.co.uk was tastier than regular http://fscked.co.uk.
@Rodafowa my cloning mechanism is still imperfect, yes. The false memory implanting works perfectly however, except for those damned unicorn dreams I expect you are still getting.
You do realise there’s a very real risk of being set-up in a tabloid coke sting if Richard changes his name to Mr Bacon
@David
Haha! You should get a walk-on part in a movie Rich, then we could calculate your Bacon Factor!
Also, is “David” Mr Boughton but in his formal shorts?
@Toby That’s me sussed then